Tuesday, April 7

Spring comes slow, and having a newborn is hard.

Time is a funny thing. Time goes by so quickly and so tortuously slowly at the same time. I've had no free time at all lately, at least it seems, and so blogging has obviously taken a back seat. 

Even at this moment, I type this with one hand (my left at that) while simultaneously nursing my now 10 week old Noah. Zachary is sick with a bad cold and finally sleeping in his room after an exhausting battle to get him in there. It will probably take me several days to complete this post. At least I've showered.

The days are long, but the years are short. I know. I know.

There are many beautiful moments, splattered messily amongst the difficult ones. Moments so beautiful that my heart swells to the point of impending rupture. And yet, on a near daily basis, one of us inevitably looks at the other, stone cold, and says, "let's never do this again. Two is enough!"

Having a newborn isn't easy. Even the second time around. Even when you've been blessed with a chill one. It's still hard. Anyone who says otherwise is a big fat liar! Or they have a selective memory bias. 

Having a newborn is amazing, and mind-blowing, and magical, and a huge privilege.... but it is not easy!

My brain is foggy. I walk around (and surprisingly function) in a dreamlike state... that particular state familiar to all parents that comes from being woken up every 2-3 hours around the clock for months on end. 
And I'm all about coffee, and pacifiers (those wonderful but cursed pacifiers!), and re-mastering the art of doing everything one-handed (and coffee, and coffee, and coffee some more).

And I worry about my poor brain. Will I ever be able to think properly again? Two year-long maternity leaves will surely take its toll on my capacity to function as a physician in the future. I tell myself that I will read up on some medical literature during Noah's naps.... but that has yet to materialize. Just like my plan to get a little exercise in every day.

And then there's this winter that just won't quit! 

We keep getting glimpses of spring... just enough to keep us hopeful, and then winter strikes back. 
It feels awfully similar to this newborn period we are just on the cusp of exiting... we get glimpses of longer stretches of sleep, and easier days, and then they get stolen back, mercilessly. 
Just like the turning of the seasons. Two steps forward, one step back. I know. I know.

At least we had Florida to sustain us for the month of March. There's nothing like the ocean and a bit of sunshine to soothe a weary soul.

And now we find ourselves back in the far north... in even deeper winter. The snow is so thick it covers our windows and doors. We literally have to shovel our way out some mornings. 

But yesterday I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, and I think that is a sure sign that spring is just around the corner.... even in the remote north.

And no matter how hard winter clings on and fights, spring always wins out in the end. I know. I know.

And this too shall pass.


Catherine said...

I can totally relate ! I've been writing this comment since this morning! At first I was agreeing with you, but then, this afternoon I had a glimpse of hope, things will get easier. But tonight, I'm back to this sh*t is hard! So I guess it's all about up and downs and trying to hold on to the magical moments when they pass ! :)

Natalie said...

Ohhh it is SO hard. And just when you think you've mastered one challenge, here comes another one! And knowing that things will get better/easier doesn't help one little bit. Give yourself a break, let yourself feel down and overwhelmed when you feel down and overwhelmed because you are completely valid in feeling that way - even if the chaos will settle after awhile, even if your are lucky to be having this experience, even if there is so much good on the horizon.
Kisses to those beautiful boys of yours xoxo

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